I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My ass is underappreciated
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize