I want to walk on stilts...naked
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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