I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
