Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
