Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
