is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
