last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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