I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
