I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This is the high leading the old right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
