Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
