I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no, he came in my armpit
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
