I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
