I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
