I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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