I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
