No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
