if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
