I just cut my nipple shaving
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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