She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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