More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
