oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Don't make out with my wife yet
People in love make me want to vomit
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
