pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
