She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
