And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
