If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
