I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
