I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
