Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
