Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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