She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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