can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
