susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
