OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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