I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
