you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
