I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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