This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
