Christians are straight up FREAKS
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
