Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
