The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
