I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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