woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
