Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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