don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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