70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
