i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
