is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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