Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We don't watch enough power rangers
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
