Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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