You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
