Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he thought i was a dude.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
