It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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