we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
