We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize