Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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