Soap is not a condiment
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
