this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
