dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
