i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
