the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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