What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
