well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
