are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
