She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
