I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
