Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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