2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
