So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
