You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
