Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
