Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
