guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
