He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
