youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
